Friday Fright Night

The following is an excerpt from the forthcoming book titled My Perfectly Imperfect Life (or Something Like That): Based on a True Story…

Friday Fright Night

Just last night, something made such a loud “thud” in the other room that my wife thought Jesus was coming back. She sat upright in the bed – screaming – and, shook the devil out of me. I leaped up from the bed to the floor in one continual move, and my daughter came running and screaming into our room from hers – at least that’s what she said. However, recent developments (and a confession in order to get ice cream from Bruster’s) revealed that my daughter, Nadine, had actually already sneaked into our room a few minutes earlier – that was routine though. But, what was not routine, was my wife shaking me, screamingly, and telling me to go see what that noise was. Actually, that’s fairly routine too, now that I think of it.

Anyway, after I quickly assessed the situation, and figured why we were all screaming at the tops of our lungs, I was ready to proceed with my investigation. I still don’t know why I woke up yelling; I guess because everyone else was so it made sense in that moment. My daughter was hiding under the covers (because everybody knows this gives you immunity from boogeymen and thieves alike). It’s like the boogeyman’s going to be like “Dang, she’s got a cover over her, I gotta look for someone else now.” Perhaps he won’t know who or what she is because she’s “under-cover?”

Anyway, my wife was standing over by the window giving herself a half-hearted attempt at a reassuring hug, and I was in my Tennessee PJ’s ready to go commando on somebody…no, not that way, but Arnold Schwarzenegger-style. Come to think of it, maybe I don’t mean it that way either considering the whole housekeeper/maid incident.

I proceed into the next room with a baseball bat in hand to find my cat licking herself with a cool tranquility that makes me wish I could be so care-free. Not that I would want to lick myself out in public or anything, but I would like to not have a worry in the world at this very moment because I would be sleeping in an ideal world. But this wasn’t an ideal world, and it certainly wasn’t an ideal situation. So, I got mad at this very moment because I wanted to be asleep, and someone was trying to break into my domain. I try a different tactic than my cat – which would involve putting me all out in the open. So, I yelled out, “If somebody’s in here, you better come out now!” I know not to go running from room to room blindly. Heck, I watch scary movies, so I know the propensities up for which my skin color sets me. How’s that for trying to avoid ending a sentence with a preposition?

Anyway, after a long waiting period, and searching the house from top to bottom, I find nothing unusual. I retire back to the bedroom to find my wife sitting on the end of the bed, drinking a bottle of water nervously, and my daughter looking frightened like she’s seen a ghost or something. She was now standing by the window where my wife once stood. They had traded places on this early freaky Friday-morning occasion. I decided to interrogate them both now to find out just what this loud noise was. In short, my wife “thought” she heard a noise loud enough that it could’ve been Jesus returning, but then again, she concedes, it all might have been in her dream. My daughter also verbalizes that she did not actually “hear” a noise at all, but rather she just started screaming because my wife, Jessica, did. So, I now feel certain that it had all stemmed from a dream. But, one last investigation remained. My daughter tells me that she keeps feeling a draft come over her that is chilling her to the bone. And, on the Discovery Channel, she once heard on that show Haunting that this indicates a ghost is passing by.

I looked at her, so innocent in her little night gown with the moonlight glistening off of the white material in a luminous fashion, and gave my thought careful consideration before answering her. Most parents know that this type of question could easily be a trap, for if I say it’s all in her head, she will know I’m trying to bluff her because I might be scared myself. On the other hand, if I tell her that it didn’t happen, she will think I’m like the typical dad in those Haunting series that doubts and doubts until the ghost finally possesses him in the end, and lastly, if I tell her that some do say that chilling wind-blasts within closed rooms from nowhere are indicative of a ghost passing by, well…there goes my sleep for the next few months.

I looked at her again, so innocent like a movie scene…she’s a spitting image of her mother with her hair seemingly flowing in the wind and her looking so scared in the eyes as if to say “Daddy, please solve this issue for me because I’m too afraid to move from my spot unless you give me some serious answers.” I come to her rescue and tell her to shut the A/C vent she’s standing over and get in the bed over on her mom’s side.

Another night, another superhero feat accomplished by daddy….I love this imperfectly perfect life of mine, at least until morning comes…tune in next blog – same batty time, same batty website. THE END.

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